Game Night at the Chairman's: The Real Story of the Dueling Game
by CelianAdellanie
Summary: The Student Council, Utena, Anthy, and the acting Chairman gather for a night of old-fashioned fun, but they just can't decide which game to play. It's what happens when you give Akio coffee(?). Please RxR and enjoy the references to classic or not-so-classic board games. Touga is currently bemoaning the fact he has yet to put down the chick and egg quote on the Scrabble board.


**DISCLAIMER:**

I do not own Revolutionary Girl Utena, or do you think I would be writing fanfiction? There will be some OOC-ness because this is a parody fic. As a final note, do not feed the Chairman coffee.

**OHTORI ACADEMY, the CHAIRMAN'S TOWER**

The room was still as the spinner clicked around, then settled at seven. Saionji Kyouichi moved his green playing piece seven spots, then read the words on the space. "Divorce your bride. Lose one LIFE card." He clutched at his temple and moaned, sobbing in a not-so-manly way. "Nothing ever goes well for me. I lost my job, and now I lost my wife. I fail at LIFE!"

"You've got that right," Juri murmured, smirking to herself. She landed on a space, then smiled with satisfaction. She had gotten a big acting and modeling job in America. But then she frowned. She was still single. Hooray for her.

"Don't worry, Saionji," Akio, the chairman, said. "You can always get back together. Or not." He wiggled his eyebrows. Utena herself wondered why she did not roll her eyes at what the Chairman said. Almost everybody else did.

"He's right, you know," agreed Touga, tossing his hair magnificently. They continued the game.

"It's your turn again, Miki," Anthy said, handing her taxes to Juri, who was playing Treasurer. ChuChu immediately protested, but Saionji picked him up by the tail and spun him in circles. Anthy's forehead creased with worry. "Oh dear. I forgot. Sorry, ChuChu, it's your turn, isn't it?" She plucked the monkey-mouse from Saionji's hand and placed him back on the game board. ChuChu laughed triumphantly, sticking out his tongue at Saionji.

"Can your pet even play games?" Nanami harrumphed, crossing her arms.

"My friend," Anthy corrected without missing a beat.

"Actually, Miss Nanami, ChuChu has beaten me at poker several times," Miki admitted. Everyone turned to stare at the monkey-mouse. He sweated, grinning with strain and scratching his head.

"Are you sure that's normal?" Nanami continued.

"It's cute," Utena and Miki chorused. Miki clicked his stopwatch before moving his pawn two spaces.

"Oh! I have twins. Must run in the family." He hummed "The Sunlit Garden" as he added one girl peg and one boy peg to his car. "There. Your turn, Miss Himemiya." Anthy spun the dial and moved two spaces.

"Oh, it looks like it's time for you to choose a house. Which one, Himemiya?" Utena asked, holding the cards out to Anthy.

"Whichever one you like, Miss Utena," Anthy replied.

"I'm tired of this game. Isn't there a better one to play, Big Brother?" Nanami complained. "No one wins, they just play." Akio and Touga looked at each other, each smirking slightly conspiratorially.

"Of course we have other games prepared," Touga said smoothly, snapping his fingers. Tsuwabuki promptly walked into the room carrying a towering pile of board games. Touga picked the first box on top, not even having to strain to reach it due to his typically fabulous bishonen height. He set it down at the table.

"You too?" Utena said incredulously to Touga. "I thought it was just Miss Kiryu ordering Tsuwabuki around. Then she paled. "Oh no. No way. There is no way in Ohtori Academy or Japan or the universe or eternity that you are making me play Pretty Pretty Princess. Why do you even own such a travesty?"

"It was Nanami's favorite," Touga said, eliciting a snort from Saionji.

"You mean your favorite," he corrected. "Surprisingly, I agree with Tenjou. I am not putting on a plastic ring, necklace, bracelet, or earring ever again." Juri held back a laugh.

"Fine," Touga said, a smidgen petulantly. "What about Parcheesi, then?" Nanami shot out of her seat.

"No more elephants," she warned, blond hair flying.

"Monopoly?"

"Mr. Ohtori always wins that game," Utena said. "Every single time, he's the one who ends up with the most money and property. It's like a set-up."

"It is a set-up," Juri muttered.

"Big Brother is so good at board games," Anthy said, smiling. ChuChu squeaked, then hopped up onto Utena's shoulder.

"ChuChu wants to play Candyland," Utena translated.

"I think we should play Mousetrap," Saionji said, shooting a look at ChuChu. ChuChu screeched with anger and tried to rush at Saionji, dinner knife in paws. Looking bored, Saionji fended him off with a fork until the monkeymouse fell off the table. Anthy rushed to pick him back up.

"What I meant to say was that we should play Sorry!," Saionji said.

"Always up for a bit of 'sweet revenge', aren't you, Saionji?" Juri jibed.

"Chutes and Ladders?" Akio asked.

"I'll try to pretend that you say that as a reasonable suggestion and not an allusion to your alleged Indian background," Miki said, clicking his stopwatch, sweating.

"Why are you sweating, Mickey?" Utena asked him.

"It is a little warm in here," Anthy said calmly, her smile empty as per usual. Suddenly, Akio, Touga, and Saionji started fiddling with the buttons on their shirts, arching their backs.

"Don't even think about taking your shirts off," Juri ordered, sighing. She downed her iced green tea. "Where did all those fans go, anyways?"

"They passed out when I started unbuttoning my shirt."

"Not those fans, Upperclassman Kiryu. And put that damn shirt back on!"

"Trivia would be fun, maybe chess… what about Clue?" Miki questioned.

"We've played it a hundred times Miki. Literally one hundred. One time for each of the boys killed in the fire that burned down the building before Nemuro Memorial Hall. And our Upperclassman Mikage is always the arsonist," Juri said, playing with her orange curls. "Why don't we just give up and go practice fencing, Mickey? This game night isn't going anywhere."

"That's it!" Akio shouted. "I've got it! We should play the dueling game!" Excitement and glee lit up his face in a near-maniacal manner.

"Who gave the Chairman coffee at ten o'clock at night?" Utena sighed. Akio wilted, then reluctantly sat down.

"Not me," the rest chorused. They sat in silence, all of them fanning themselves except for the unflappable Juri. Akio had disappeared, most likely going out in his convertible for a consolation ride.

"So, what do you think of this 'dueling game', Miss Utena?" Anthy asked innocently.

"Oh, shut up!" said Saionji grumpily.


End file.
